American Pie --- StarWars

written by Justin Cutler , at cthulhu@earthling.net , with help from Richard Plenger, another CTY'er

A long, long time ago,

Said the opening titles Lucas wrote part four of nine

About a young man in his prime

And whether to the Dark Side he would stray.

Two droids who were named Artoo and

Threepio crashed on Tatooine.

They had to find Kenobi

In desert worse than Gobi.

I can't remember if I cried

When Vader ordered fratricide,

But I know I was horrified

The day the Jawas died.

And Luke was singing

Bye-bye cause this planet's too dry.

Drove his speeder to Mos Eisley to go join the Allies.

And Obi-Wan, he chopped the arm off some guy,

Sayin' Soon, Luke, you will be a Jedi,

Soon, Luke, you will be a Jedi.

They flew off to Alderaan

But when they got there it was gone

Nothing left but asteroids.

So Solo plotted a new course

While Luke learned how to use the force

And Chewie played some space chess with the droids.

Oh, and while we heard John Williams theme,

The Death Star used a tractor beam.

Ben went to shut it down

So the others could leave town.

Luke was a lonely, teen-aged Jedi Knight,

With an X-wing fighter and a sword of light,

And he knew he had to join the fight

The day Kenobi died.

And we were singin'

Bye-bye, it's the Death Star's demise.

It was blown up by a rebel who was code-named Red Five.

And Vader very nearly didn't survive

Cause Han picked a damn good time to arrive,

He picked a damn good time to arrive.

Oh, on Hoth they built a rebel base,

Two decades after Lost in Space,

So the fight could start again.

Luke got captured by a beast

Which saved him for the evening feast

Til he used the Force to help him self-defend.

Oh, and Han slit up his Tauntaun's hide

So a Lukesicle could crawl inside.

Then, alas and alack,

The Empire struck back!

As the AT-ATs walked on through the snow

The rebels cried out Tallyho!

But it was like the Alamo

The day Luke's gunner died.

They were singin',

Bye-bye, let us deoccupy.

If we stay here too much longer we will be vaporized.

And Luke flew off to meet with Yoda the Wise,

Sayin' I must learn to be a Jedi,

I must learn to be a Jedi.

Boggy, foggy, full of little froggies,

Dagobah was damp and soggy,

But that's where Yoda had his home.

He was a wizened little gnome,

Two feet high when fully grown

But he taught Luke how to make the Force his own.

Ah, but Luke's friends were in trouble deep,

With Threepio piled in a heap.

Our heroes were betrayed

Thrown in the stockade!

Oh, and by Darth Vader Luke was maimed,

Then he hung from a weathervane

And he learned Vader's real name

The day Han Solo got frozen in a block of carbonite.

And they were singin',

Bye-bye, Lando's town in the sky.

They left although they had a broken-down hyperdrive.

And Boba Fett flew off with Han in Slave I

They'd be gone til Return of the Jedi,

Gone til Return of the Jedi.

Then, for three years, we were on our own

While Han played Indiana Jones

And Carrie married Rhymin' Paul.

Sy Snootles sang for Jabba's chums

Like Bib Fortuna and Salacious Crumb

While Solo hung around on Jabba's wall.

Oh, and after Leia got him down

The Sarlacc waited underground.

It swallowed Boba Fett.

(The worst indigestion yet!)

And while Leia changed out of her bra,

Luke flew off to Dagobah

And he was there to hold his paw

The day that Yoda died. He was singin',

Bye-bye to the little green guy.

He trained Vader and Kenobi and Luke to be Jedi.

And now he's gone to that big bog in the sky,

Saying Luke, there is another young Sky.....

Luke there is another young

Sky.....walk......errrrrgghhhhh.....

(slowly)

Luke met a man named Palpatine,

An Emperor of bein' mean,

Who wanted Luke to be his heir.

Meanwhile, on the moon below,

Rebels struck a counterblow

With some assistance from some teddy bears.

And in the sky, the spaceships blazed;

The fighters fought, and the lasers lazed.

The battle, it was heated;

The Empire was defeated.

And the three Jedi admired most

Yoda, Ben and Vader's ghost

They all glowed blue and raised a toast

The day Darth Vader died. And we were singin',

Bye-bye Return of the Jedi,

We'll wait fifteen years for sequels as Binkley prophesied.

And while we wait, we'll make do with Deep Space Nine,

Singin' May the Force be with you and I,

May the Force be with you and I.

(faster)

Now we're singin',

Bye-bye Return of the Jedi,

We'll wait fifteen years for sequels as Binkley prophesied.

And while we wait, we'll make do with Deep Space Nine,

Singin' May the Force be with you and I.